Feinberg Talks, Texts, Drives, Fails

And so we all swoon through the bye-means-underperforming middle of the season.  Kinda like this idiot.  How in the world can you even do this?

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Brian stomps Jason, as predicted by ESPN's fantasy line.  Even Mendenhall burning a hole on Jay's bench wouldn't have helped past Scott Chandler's do-nothing day.  Frank Gore had a pretty good day for you, Brian.

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The dreaded "100% upset" (that is, an inverse result based on the ESPN fantasy line) hit Mr. Simon, who remains rough and toothless (as opposed to tough and ruthless) in our league.  I think the biggest surprise was Victor Cruz's big empty.  Revis's pick-6 didn't help you much, either.

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Yeah, I started Sims-Walker.  Yeah, I started Felix Jones over Earnest Graham.  Yeah, I'm still relying on Manningham to contribute.  Yeah, I lost.

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The Bullies continue to storm the nation, this time running over Nieve's lifting team.  The difference here were the WRs - 30 points sounds "eh", but compared to 18.5, you know you've got something good going.

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In the Battle of Eric, Tennen laid the smack down on Smyth, to the surprise of no one.  To this injury, Smyth added the insult of Pierre Thomas, who settled in with a negative half-point.  This may be a record - I don't remember anyone ever starting a position player who came up less than empty.  I can only wonder if that tie from early on is going to hurt your playoff hopes, Tennen.

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Much Motion In Your Ocean (as of late 10/20)

Simon:  17

Brian:  10

Russ:    9 

Jason:   8

Tennen:  7

Bob:     7

Scott:   5
Nieve:   3

Barak:   2

Smyth:   0 (seriously?)

High Scorin' Mo-Fos

Team: 156.0, Nieve

QB:    47.0, Aaron Rodgers (Tennen)

RB:    31.0, Beanie Wells (Scott), Ahmad Bradshaw (Scott)

WR:    42.0, Welker (Jason)

TE:    24.0, Jimmy Graham (Bob)

DE:    29.0, Ravens (Russ)

PK:    20.0, Seabass (Brian), Cundiff (Russ)

Feinberg Confuses Simon With Odd Menu

Oh, but it's so sweet, the victory that keeps me without a loss...Katz gets just. that. close...Bullies crush cartoon mechanized monsters...lift, dammit, lift!...Namath criticizes the Jets, Suzie, Bob, and the cast of Gilligan's Island...


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Okay, so I had a little email exchange with Mike over the weekend that went something like this:

Oh, so you finally picked up a D.  The Bengals?

Yeah, but remember:  this season, I have much better luck than you do.

Ugh, the Bengals' D just scored a garbage TD.  They suck, and I hate you more than burnt toast.

Uh, perhaps you should blame Denarius Moore, and not my insurance points.  You have less luck than the longest-necked chicken at dinnertime on the farm.

No really.  It really was kinda like that.  Without the snarkiness.

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So, picture this:  you're Tennen, and you're favored by 25.5 points.  You think nothing of going against Scott, who has a fancy Tom Brady and is 4-0.  Then Mike Wallace has a good day.  And then in the late games, Mason Crosby has a big day, 4-for-4 with a long one.  And going into Monday night, the Lions' D just has to have a pretty good day to pull off the statistical upset.  And...and...and...guh.  A sack would have done it.  Soooooooo close.

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It's tough to say that you need to start Malcolm Floyd and Pierre Thomas over Eric Decker and Darren McFadden to win, but...well, Floyd might have been a little more obvious, maybe, if you squinted at it a lot...but Barak has a decent team.  Boldin on the bye hurts.  Still, you're 3-2 now, Eric, which ain't exactly bad.  Barak, your face-off with Nieve this coming weekend will be a little more challenging.

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Speaking of which...talk about your non-verbal response to my teasing you last week, Nieve.  Let's just say that I hope you didn't peak too quickly this season, but no matter what, that was one hell of a fantasy performance.  Five players above 20.  Five!

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In another case of being taunted turning into a decision, Bob started Mrs. Garrett Blount over Marshawn Lynch, and while no one could have forseen the difference being in this direction between these two (for the record, I know two guys who are out of a suicide pool for picking the Giants), it mostly turned the molehill into a mountain for you.  Oh, and if you run into him, please tell Namath that I think he's a f@$!ing &%$hole for mouthing off when its clear that he needs to move from assisted living to full-time care.  If I had my pants pulled up to my chin, I'd be ashamed to leave the house, and this guy's giving interviews like a tornado survivor in Kansas.  And if you want a decent D, shoot me an email, I have one to sell, for a modest upgrade elsewhere.

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Much Motion In Your Ocean

Simon:  10 (congratulations, next time you'll pay)

Tennen:  6

Russ:    5

Brian:   5

Jason:   4

Scott:   4

Bob:     4

Nieve:   2

Barak:   2

Smyth:   0 (seriously?)

High Scorin' Mo-Fos

Team: 156.0, Nieve

QB:    47.0, Aaron Rodgers (Tennen)

RB:    31.0, Beanie Wells (Scott)

WR:    42.0, Welker (Jason)

TE:    24.0, Jimmy Graham (Bob)

DE:    29.0, Ravens (Russ)

PK:    20.0, Seabass (Brian)

Terry Tate says, "Shape up, suckers!"

The papery-est tiger in the land, busted, Broadway Joe bullies successfully, and the Terry Tate sneers at the unholy lifting of the cellar.

Sure, let’s start with the one guy everyone loves to sneer at...me.  Forget for a moment that you have to get to two-losses in the Patriot Division to find a team with fewer points-for.  Look no further than the Sentinels in second place behind a team that they’re clearly better than (on paper).  A few favorable matchups, some timely (or untimely, depending on your perspective) injuries, and a few helpful waiver wire pickups have put me at 4-0 for the first time since LaDainian Tomlinson really mattered.  (I’m guessing at that one, but I do seem to remember winning a lot back then.)  And I did it on the backs of the same guys that were crushing my beloved Jets.  Oh, the agony.  During a regular weekend (hopefully meaning “a weekend you’re not facing me”), Finley and Wayne will do better for you, Eric.

Meanwhile, the BMOs were favored by 28.5 in a matchup they were supposed to win in a walk.  And with Stafford, Calvin Johnson and Nicks, it should have been...and then Frank Gore goes and shows people what he is (uh, used to be) made of.  And then, the Mike Simon gets his groove on.  Cam Newton thrills.  Matt Bryant pulled a double-triple (that’s 3-for-3 on XPs and FGs, folks).  Fred Jackson crosses the stripe for the fourth week.  And...well, David Nelson got silenced by Cincy.  Not that you could have necessarily guessed, Mike, but starting David Nelson (which looked sure-fire to me, man) turned out to be worse than Mike Thomas.  Ugh.

Suzie Kolber’s sons heard the call, and got off the schneid this week, with all pistons firing in the direction of a bunch of guys who hang around on street corners late at night.  When you can say that you sat Blount and you only sacrificed 5 points, you must be doing something right.  Barak really only got let down by the Steelers’ D, but they would have had to score and dominate to really have made the difference here.

Which brings us to the bottom of the Patriot Division.  Both Jason’s and Nieve’s squads laid eggs this past weekend, losing by more than 50 points each.  Nieve, you’ll know better in the future that the Curtis Painter will know how to deliver the ball to Indy’s WRs, so your score will look more respectable.  Jason, I’d like to think that the Steelers’ O-line will figure out how to keep Big Ben from getting mauled, and I do hope that the guy’s foot is okay, but when you go up against a guy starting Aaron Rodgers and Matt Forte, you’re going to have to hope for heavy rain.

High Scorin' Mo-Fos

Team: 142.5, Tennen

QB:    47.0, Aaron Rodgers (Tennen)

RB:    31.0, Beanie Wells (Scott)

WR:    42.0, Welker (Jason)

TE:    24.0, Jimmy Graham (Bob)

DE:    29.0, Ravens (Russ)

PK:    17.0, Jason Hansen (Tennen)